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The Coach in the Mirror

blog Jul 17, 2025

The Coach in the Mirror

Why Self-Leadership Is the First Leadership

By Jaret White

Coaching others? That comes easy for a lot of us. Coaching ourselves? That’s a different story and a thought that is foreign for many.

I’ve sat across from leaders who were knocking it out of the park on the outside—running teams, building churches, scaling businesses—but when the conversation turned inward, something shifted. You could see it in their eyes. They hadn’t checked in with themselves in a long time.

The truth is, the hardest person you’ll ever lead is the one you see in the mirror. Why? Because you know your own loopholes. You know how to justify the late nights, the missed sabbaths, the blurred boundaries. You know how to say the right things in public while running on fumes in private. And if you’re not careful, you can coach others into clarity while quietly unraveling behind the scenes.

But here’s the thing:

You can’t take others further than you’re willing to go yourself. That’s not just a cute phrase—it’s a mirror check and something we all could benefit spending some time reflecting on.

Before you coach your clients, your team, your church… you have to coach yourself.

So let me ask:

When’s the last time you checked in with you? Are you rushing past rest? Is your soul leading the way—or just trying to keep up? Self-leadership doesn’t mean you have it all figured out. It means you’re honest. It means you’re able to extend mercy and grace not just to others but to yourself as well. It means you’re building the rhythms and relationships that keep your heart healthy—even when your calendar’s full. Because at the end of the day, your greatest credibility as a coach isn’t your insight. It’s your integrity.

So here’s the challenge:

Before you jump into another session or strategy, take five minutes and face the mirror. Ask

yourself the hard questions. Get real. Get quiet. Get curious about your own soul. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be intentional.

Start with the coach in the mirror. The rest will follow.